The Rambam on The Messianic Age:

Do not think that the ways of the world or the laws of nature will change, this is not true. The world will continue as it is.
 -commentary to the Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Sanhedrin       


TEMPLE RITUAL COMMITTEE IN DEADLOCK OVER PROPER AT“TIRE”
Initial Sacrifices of Messianic Age May Be Delayed

By Ezra Iparon
Staff Reporter

First, there was the scandal over the Attorney-General’s investigation into the no-bid construction contract.  Then there were the lawsuits by the neighbors over potential smells from the holding pens for the sacrificial animals.  Now, just when it seems that nothing can stop Wednesday’s rededication of the Holy Temple (Beis HaMikdash) in Jerusalem,  the first rededication of a Jewish Holy Temple in 2,000 years, a new roadblock appears.

This time, it’s not outsiders throwing a wrench in the works, it’s the Temple Ritual Committee.

Members of the committee are embroiled in an acrimonious 3-way argument over aspects of the Priestly Vestments.  At stake, in addition to clerical dress codes, is determining how the Sacred Texts of the Jewish people will be translated into the languages of the Nations  in the Messianic Age.  Last night, after a raucous 4-hour committee meeting, the members announced that they are unable to reach the necessary majority required for decisions under the Bylaws of the Beis HaMikdash.

“We’re dead in the water,” announced committee chairman Eliyahu ErevRav, “If we don’t figure something out by tomorrow, there will be no Holy Barbecue next Wednesday, just davening, like at all the other shuls.”

The controversy centers on the proper translation of the Hebrew word “migba’a” which is used by G-d to specify the headgear worn by Aaron and his sons when officiating at the sacrifices in the Tabernacle.  (Ex. 28:40; 29:9) The English translation of the Hebrew Bible produced by the Jewish Publication Society of America in 1917, renders this word as “head-tire.”  Other, later translations use the word “turban.”  At the time the messiah arrived, the intention was that the priests in the newly rebuilt Temple would be wearing turbans while officiating at the sacrifices.  However, since then, a growing vocal minority of Temple members, many of whom serve on the ritual committee, started to advocate special headgear based on the older English term.

“The entire Torah was revealed on Mt. Sinai,” explained Rabbi Menachem Michelin, one of the leaders of the “head-tire” faction, “this not only includes the Oral Law and all of the traditional rabbinical commentaries, but also all of the translations as well.  G-d is responsible for everything that happens in the world, so if the translators used the word ‘tire’ to describe what Aaron and his sons were to wear on their heads, there must have been a reason.”

Rabbi Michelin was modeling an example of his proposed headgear, a steel-belted radial number with white sidewalls and an aggressive all-terrain white tread.

“Look at this,” he exclaimed, “How can anyone not want one of these?  It has a full 70,000 mile tread and sidewall warranty, and guaranteed factory repairs on all punctures.  Tell me, could you find a turban as durable as that?”

Though a slight majority of ritual committee members now support the “head-tire” faction, it is divided into two groups, which explains why the committee has not been able to arrive at a decision on the matter.  The second “head tire” faction, led by Rabbi Binyomin Bandag, generally agrees with Rabbi Michelin’s position, except that Rabbi Bandag believes that priests should be allowed to wear retreaded head-tires, even when officiating on the High Holidays.

“Rabbi Michelin and I basically agree on most issues,” Rabbi Bandag told this reporter.  “However, he has this idea that using retreads is dangerous and doesn’t show sufficient respect to God and the Beis HaMikdash.  I have to disagree.  First, the modern computer-controlled manufacturing technology and advanced rubber materials used in the retread process means that retreads are as safe as new tires.  Further, the use of retread shows great respect to the Holy One and His Temple, because a prime principle of Torah is ‘bal tashchit’ or the prohibition against waste. Not only does using retreads consume only 7 barrels of petroleum, as opposed to 12 barrels that are needed for a new tire, but using retreads will keep many tires out of landfills, saving our valuable land and water resources.”

The largest single faction of the committee are those who supported the original idea of using turbans.  Their leader, Dr. Tommy Tur, shakes his head in bewilderment at the fuss.

“I can’t believe these meshugganers, walking around wearing tires on their heads!  I mean, it’s so self-evident that G-d meant for the Priests to wear hats, not auto parts.  Why is this even an issue?  And these guys are rabbis, for goodness sake! Oy....”

But Rabbi Michelin is unrepentant.

“Turbans?  Sikhs wear turbans. Hindu maharajas wear turbans.  The false messiah Shabbetai Zvi put on a turban when he betrayed the Jews by converting to Islam.  Turbans are goyish, tires are Jewish.  Are not the Pep Boys Jewish?  With names like “Manny,” “Moe,” and “Jack” they better be!  Besides, we are forbidden to copy the customs of the Gentile religions.  In what other religion, do the clergy wear actual tires on their heads?  Tommy Tur talks about ‘self evident?’  I’ll tell you what’s “self evident!”  It’s that the Priests in the Beis HaMikdash should be wearing tires!”

The issue has been further complicated by the emergence of a fourth faction, whose members are mostly found in certain neighborhoods in Brooklyn, who believe that the only proper head covering for a priest in the holy Temple, as it is for every male Jew over the age of Bar Mitzva,  is a black fedora.

“If these guys start gaining influence on the Ritual Committee,” cautions Dr. Tur, “We will be at a total impasse.  If that happens, the Bylaws of the Beis HaMikdash require a general meeting of the Temple membership to decide the issue.” 

Such a meeting would be accompanied by major logistical headaches.  Because the major donor of the Beis HaMiskdash specified that “my house is a house of prayer for all people,” membership in the Beis HaMikdash consists of the entire human population of the Planet Earth, or about eight billion people.  “I’m concerned that neither our Sanctuary nor our Social Hall will be able to handle the expected crowds,” worries I. Ben Ezra, Temple Executive Director.  “In fact, even the our outside courtyard wouldn’t be large enough.  Not to mention the traffic and parking problems.  We’ll have to work very closely with the Jerusalem Municipality if such a meeting has to be held.”

“The only thing in our favor is most members of organizations like ours don’t bother to show up at meetings.  But the people who do show up are usually those who have the most intense feelings about the issue, so I would expect some real fireworks.”

©  2004 (5764)  By L. Joseph Bachman for the Worldwide Schlitzer Purim Torah Movement
This page published February 29, 2004