How to Get Into the Official R.A.D. Princess "Briar Rose" Aurora Fan Club

Written by: Steve C. Liu <admiral@access.digex.net>

This is a joke set of rules. It's inspired by the Stonecutters episode of the Simpsons.

In 1959, Walt Disney Pictures released their sixteenth animated film, Sleeping Beauty. The lovely heroine of this film was the Princess Aurora, known also as Briar Rose. We, the members of the Official Rec.arts.disney Princess "Briar Rose" Aurora Fan Club, believe that she is greatest heroine of all time; film, literary or otherwise. We also believe that Sleeping Beauty is the greatest film of all time. This club has been established as a forum by which we may freely indulge in our virtrous admiration of the Princess Aurora. We also pledge to defend the Princess Aurora with our lives whenever she is slighted by the unbelievers.

Entry into the Official R.A.D. Princess "Briar Rose" Aurora Fan Club shall be restricted to those who pass the entrance ritual. This is waived for those who are alreadly listed as Princess Aurora or Briar Rose fans as of January 1, 1995. The seven tasks for membership are as follows:

  1. All pledges must be nominated by an member in good standing.
  2. All pledges must survive the "Rite of Initiation".
  3. All initiates must survive the "Rite of Ascension".
  4. All initiates must survive the "Rite of Proclaimation".
  5. All initiates must survive the "Pilgrimage of Thorns".
  6. All initiates must survive the "Festival of the Dawn".
  7. All initiates must take the "Oath of the Spinning Wheel".
Upon successful completion of the tasks, the initiate becomes a member of the Official R.A.D. Princess "Briar Rose" Aurora Fan Club.

The Rite of Initiation

Once the pledge has been nominated, he is given the pink robe of an initiate. But he must now survive the Rite of Initiation. The initiate is led to the First Gate of the Shrine of the Princess Aurora. There he must gain entry through the gate. To gain entry, the pledge must name five gifts given to Princess Aurora at her birth celebration.

The Rite of Ascension

The initiate must now ascend the sixteen steps of the First Level of the Shrine of the Princess Aurora. On each step, the initiate must declare his faith to the Princess Aurora, proclaiming the reasons why She is supreme. Should the initiate's declaration be displeasing to Her ears, the members standing beside the initiate on each step will subject him to a brief burst of lightning. If the initiate does not collapse on the steps, he may continue to the "Rite of Proclaimation".

The Rite of Proclaimation

Upon reaching the sixteenth step, the initiate stands before the Second Gate of the Shrine of the Princess Aurora, the Rose Gate. The Chancellor of the Princess "Briar Rose" Fan Club shall then ask the initiate if he truly wishes to devote his life to the service of the Princess Aurora. If the initiate answers in the affirmative, the Chancellor will ask two questions. Upon successful answer of the question, the initate then starts on the "Pilgrimage of Thorns". The questions are: "Why do the fairies change Princess Aurora's name to Briar Rose in particular?" and "Why is she named Aurora in the first place?"

The Pilgrimage of Thorns

The initate must now walk to the Inner Chamber of the Shrine of the Princess Aurora. However, the corridor will be lined with members carrying sprigs of thorns. As the initate passes each member, they will strike the initiate with their thorn sprigs. If the initiate survives to the Inner Chamber, he may undergo the "Festival of the Dawn".

The Festival of the Dawn

Once in the Inner Chamber of the Shrine of the Princess Aurora, the initiate will then be cleansed and purified before prostrating himself before the image of the Princess Aurora. After making the ritual prayers, the initate will carry the boat shrine of the image of the Princess Aurora around the Inner Chamber three times. He will then carry the shrine on a procession of the festival route. Upon the safe return of the initiate and shrine to the Inner Chamber, the initiate's pink robe will then be trans- formed to a blue robe. The initiate may now refresh himself before taking the Oath of the Spinning Wheel.

The Oath of the Spinning Wheel

In front of the assembled members, the initiate will repeat the oath of allegience to the Princess Aurora as given by the President of the Princess "Briar Rose" Aurora Fan Club. The oath is inscribed below:

"I pledge upon pain of death, to uphold the honor of Her Royal Highness, the Princess Aurora. I will protect Her from evil, harm and spinning wheel spindles. She shall receive my eternal love and soul forever. And if I ever fail Her wishes, I will redeem my soul via self-sacrifice before Her."

The initiate will then prick his finger on a spinning wheel spindle and sign his name in blood to a parchment copy of the oath. The President will then take the parchment and offer it to Aurora. Should Aurora accept the initiate's service, She shall signal her approval by transforming the parchment into a wooden sword. The President will then hand the sword to the new member of the Princess "Briar Rose" Aurora Fan Club and his entry celebration may begin.

Click here to return to the creative page.
Steve C. Liu/Princess "Briar Rose" Aurora Fan Club/admiral@access.digex.net