======================================================================== "How to get on the Little Mermaid fan list" Written by: Tim Pickett Copyright: 1993 Tim Pickett, if you gotta know. Author's note: charles@zip.eecs.umich.edu (Charles Jacob Cohen) writes: >How does one get on the Little Mermaid fan list??? - Chuck Need I say more? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ooooh, well, it's a long drawn-out process, you know. You gotta fill out this *really* long form, in triplicate, and then send it off to this address in north-western Kentucky, USA, where it'll be scrutinised and checked for spelling for three long months. Then you'll receive a big form back, which you have to scan at 349 dots-per-inch and then email it - with corrections - to really.long.address@some.place.you.or.i.have. never.heard.of.edu.au, where you will recieve a questionnaire to be answered under examination conditions. Upon successful completion of the questionnaire you must then photocopy it twice, send one copy to me, tear the other one up into little pieces and throw them in the air (keep the original in a safe place), and finally wait twelve working days for your voucher, which can be redeemed at any Post Office or Burger King branch for a hat which you can wear in a public place. One of our hat-spotters will then take your hat from you in exchange for a small ticket with a picture of a rocket on it; take this card and scratch off the squares - if you get three symbols the same you must take it to your local masonic hair-stylist, hopping on one leg. You will receive a sultana-encrusted matchbox containing a secret number of whales. Phone 1-800-PISH-TOO and give the secret message (written on the back of the Burger King voucher) and quote the number of whales in the matchbox. You will then be given a numbered Swiss bank safety deposit box which holds exactly one stamp. Place this stamp on your best friend's forehead and parade him or her through the streets screaming, "I'm a teapot! I'm a teapot!" If our spotters are still on duty they will see you and open a trapdoor through which you will fall (hopefully onto a mattress but this cannot be guaranteed). You must then supply the torn-up photocopy of the questionnaire (I hope you didn't skip that step) to the bovine deity before you, which will be turned into a certificate (by a process not clearly understood) stating your membership of the Ariel fan club. Alternatively you can just post here and be #6 as Dean says.