====================================================================== "Genetic Considerations in _The Little Mermaid_" Written by: Tim Pickett Required Viewing: _The Little Mermaid_ (1989) Copyright: If you think anyone in their right mind would want to steal this article then you are welcome to it, so long as I am attributed. Author's Note: This is an article written in the scientific journal style about various thoughts about heredity and genetics in Ariel's family. I wrote this before the TLM TV series came out, so now I know that much of what is said is just plain wrong. Indeed, the exact opposite of the conclusion I originally drew seems to be the case now. I haven't written the subsequent article that I mention in the body, so there's no point asking for it. "Et al." is not a real person, as I'm sure you can tell. This was loosely based upon a dreadful joke in Terry Pratchett's book, _Pyramids_, which ran, "The trouble with you, Ibid, is that you think you're the biggest bloody authority on everything." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- "Genetic Considerations in _The_Little_Mermaid_" by: Tim Pickett (Quetzal) et al. from _Journal_of_Applied_and_Theoretical_Inane_Ranting_, vol 1, no 5. WARNING: This article must be read with the tongue firmly implanted in either cheek. It does not matter which cheek to use, but be sure to remove it prior to any laughing or serious injury to speech organs may result. Teeth can be sharp! Smileys, such as :), etc. have been surgically removed from the article for conservation of space. I am no geneticist. I do know that you can't have half a chromosome, but flames are nonetheless highly welcome. ABSTRACT: This article describes the genetic traits of the Royal family of Triton's ocean kingdom and makes various proposals on the biological relationships between family members. ASSUMPTIONS: In this article it has been assumed that mer heredity is essentially equivalent to human heredity. (This is quite reasonable since the 11.5 chromosome pairs responsible for the waist up must be at the very least highly similar.) This would mean the same XY chromosome system for gender (though it is possible that there is an entirely different system, since seven daughters and no sons - a 1 in 128 chance - is unusual to say the least). Note that mer reproduction is an entire subject to itself and will not be elaborated upon here. It has also been assumed that the laws of physics in Disney features is identical to those elsewhere. There are only a few examples which appear to violate this assumption, such as the number of tines on dinglehoppers not being constant (in extreme close-up they grow a fourth), and the colours in rainbows being reversed; and though these experiments are easily reproducible (a common method is the rewind control) they can almost certainly be dismissed as poor experimental method and failure to take notes (rather like Cold Fusion, really). INTRODUCTION: The colours of human and mer features such as skin, hair and scales are determined by the presence of various pigments, proteins and other polymers (the word polymer is rarely used in Triton's kingdom as it can cause confusion, to merpeople in particular). The instructions for creating these pigments are in the DNA inherited from both parents. Traits such as facial features are also found in genes. This is called heredity, and as a science it is a well-developed field of study. DISCUSSION: Triton's immediate Royal family consists of Triton himself and his seven daughters. Each is listed here, with scale and hair colour, and colour of seashells to aid in identification. (Note that hair colour is somewhat of a poor guide to heredity, since if mermaids change their hair as much as human females are made out to, it could have been dyed, though, one assumes, not with a water-based dye.) Name: Hair Colour: Scale Colour: Seashell Colour: Triton White Turquoise (see note 1) Aquata Light Brown Blue Blue Andrina Yellow Purple Purple Arista Blonde Red Red Atina Light Brown Light Red Red Adella Black Ochre Green Allana Dark Brown Magenta Purple Ariel Russet Green Purple (NB: It is unclear as to the identity of the two sisters Adella and Allana; we have assigned names to these two based on unscientific methods [but still highly appropriate - "Heads or Tails"]. If it is found that they have been labelled incorrectly, transpose the names for the remainder of this article.) All seven sisters have blue-green eyes, but Triton's eyes are apparently albino (there is no iris to speak of). As albino eyes are presumably recessive (Or possibly sex-linked; the difference is unimportant) against green or blue, it is fairly reasonable to assume each sister has a blue-green-eyed mother, if not the same mermaid then at lease some very closely-related ones from some other branch of the royal family (a common practice among royals everywhere), which may help to explain the diverse scale colours of the sisters. Other features which all seven sisters share are a fairly similar eye shape (with the possible exception of Atina who appears to have inherited her father's eyes), the upturned nose (certainly unlike Triton's inexplicably Roman nose) and a relatively small chin, though unless Triton learns how to shave we will be unable to tell just whose side of the family this trait comes from. It is also quite obvious that all seven can sing; Triton's definite lack of a singing voice (did *you* ever hear him singing?) can only mean that this, and all the other things listed here, come from the mother's side of the family. However, even a casual glance at the seven mermaids will show that while the older six seem to share some features, Ariel is consistently the odd mermaid out. For instance, the older sisters have prominent cheekbones; Ariel does not. The older sisters have a sloping, almost Neanderthal forehead; Ariel does not. The older sisters seem to have the remotest inkling of colour coordination between tail and seashells and hairpieces; Ariel does not. It is remarkable to note that all three of these traits are present in Triton (see note 2). It is our opinion that this is too much of a coincidence to be ignored. CONCLUSION: It can only be concluded, given the assumptions stated, that Triton is not the father of Ariel, and that the older six mermaids are at most only Ariel's half-sisters (see note 3). So who *is* Ariel's biological father? This must wait for another article, but rumours that it is Maurice the inventor (from comparisons with *his* daughter) are unfounded. (Our as yet unpublished article, "Immediate family relationship between Ariel and Belle unlikely", explains why; contact us for a preliminary copy.) ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: The authors would like to thank Tom Tanida, compiler of the rec.arts.disney FAQ, for providing the correct spellings of the Royal family members. Quetzal would like to thank his mother for going overseas and leaving him with her ATM card and PIN for three weeks. NOTES: 1. What seashells Triton wears in private is not of our concern. 2. Although Triton does not wear seashells (see note 1), all of his jewellery is gold. 3. Six half-sisters are equivalent to three full sisters, except that they are much harder to live with. ABOUT THE AUTHORS: Tim Pickett (Quetzal) is a computer science honorary life undergraduate at Monash University in Melbourne, Australia. He spends his spare time trying to watch _The_Little_Mermaid_ in record time (his record so far is thirty-five minutes), and when not whinging about the unavailability of _Little_Mermaid_ soundtracks and the like, he is to be found in fifteenth-century Mexico, as the Aztec god Quetzalcoatl, settling old scores with Huitzilopochtli and Tlaloc. et al. is perhaps the biggest authority on almost every subject you care to name; she has worked with another well-known authority, Ibid., since the time of the Roman Empire.