The KESBIR Song


by Steve C. Liu <admiral@access.digex.net>
Based on "The Mob Song" from _Beauty and the Beast_. Lyrics by Howard Ashman. Music by Alan Menken.
Copyright: 1994 by me. Note: This is not the final version posted in January of '95. It's what I have sitting on my computer.

As probably nobody is aware, I've been advocating that us Sleeping Beauty fans kidnap Mr. Eisner in an attempt to force the Walt Disney Company to re-release the movie. My organization responsible for carrying out this fiendish plot is called "Kidnap Eisner for Sleeping Beauty's Immediate Release" or KESBIR for short, which is not officially sanctioned by the Rec.arts.disney Mary "Princess Aurora/Briar Rose" Costa Fan Club of which I am number one on the list.

So here's a little dream sequence of a hypothetical outright attack by KESBIR that bears a remarkable resemblence to a certain Disney song. Of course, you will probably have to force the meter a lot to make it come out just right.

The Players

Opening scene: In front of the cash register at a Disney Store somewhere. Just after a cast member informs Steve and a group of eager Sleeping Beauty fans that Eisner has just cancelled another re-release.


Steve:  Eisner won't release Sleeping Beauty!
        He's postponed it indefinitely!
FDS:    No!
Steve:  We have to force the Walt Disney Company!
        I say we kidnap Eisner!
Mob:    Kidnap Eisner!
MR1:  He'll never re-release it
MR2:  He'll just keep postponing it
FR:   Repeatedly playing with our emotions
        For his sadistic benefit
MR3:  He wrecks havoc on my collection
        Sleeping Beauty is missing
Steve:  So it's time to take some action, boys
        It's time to follow me...
        Near L.A., in Anaheim
        In an office near Disneyland
        It'll be tough but definitely worthwhile
        Say a prayer, then we're there
        At the headquarters of Disney
        And the evil Michael Eisner is inside
        He's a beast! He's important
        The C.E.O.
        Lots of power, influence for a release
        Hear him laugh, see him gloat
        But we're gonna bring him home in a bag!
        Tied and gagged! Kidnap Eisner!
FDS:    No! I won't let you do this!
Steve:  If you're not with us, you're against us.
        Bring the old man!
MDS:    Get your hands off me! [They get thrown in a closet and locked in.]
Steve:  We can't let them warn Michael Eisner!
FDS:    Let us out!
Steve:  We'll go grab that Eisner. Who's with me?
Mob:    I am! I am! I am!
        Grab some rope, get some chains
Steve:  Gather your courage for the journey!
Mob:    We're counting on Steve to lead the way!
        To California, to Anaheim
        Where within Disney HQ
        Someone's lurking that we hate everyday!
        He's Eisner, the chief executive officer
        We won't rest till he lets Aurora go!
        Sally forth! Tallyho! Grab your club!
        Grab your torch!
        Praise Aurora and here we go!
Steve:  We'll storm the building and bring back his head!
FDS:    I have to warn Mr. Eisner. This is all my fault
MDS:    Now, now. We'll think of something
Mob:    We don't like the moratorium
        In fact we hate it
        It keeps Sleeping Beauty out of stores
        Bring your masks! Don't leave prints!
        Save the Princess Aurora and her dad
        We'll save Prince Phillip and his horse
        We'll kidnap Eisner!
MF1:    I did it! I was the one who recommended the postponement
MF2:    No, you didn't. I told Mr. Eisner himself [pause]
        What's going on?
FF1:    Is it Sparky?
MF2:    Sacre bleu! It's KESBIR!
MF1:    Protesters!
FF1:    And they look really mad!
MF1:    Warn Mr. Eisner. If they want Sleeping Beauty, they'll just have to
        wait ten more years. Stop them!
Steve:  Loot the shops if you wish, but remember, Eisner is mine!
WDCS:   Mouse ears on, tear gas armed
        We will stop these protesters
        Unafraid, though they look determined
Mob:    Raise the sign! Put on your masks!
        Here we come, we're fifty strong!
        And fifty R.A.D.ers can't be wrong!
        Let's kidnap Eisner!
FF1:    Pardon me, Mr. Eisner
Eisner: Leave me in peace
FF1:    But, sir, KESBIR is at the door!
Mob:    Kidnap Eisner! Kidnap Eisner!
MF2:    This isn't working!
FF2:    But, sir! We must do something!
MF2:    Wait! I know!
Mob:    Kidnap Eisner! Kidnap Eisner!
FF1:    What should we do, Master?
Eisner: It doesn't matter now. Just let them come
Mob:    Kidnap Eisner! Kidnap Eisner! Kidnap Eisner!
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